vagabond

since boxing day, alex, sebastian and i have been all over the lower mainland and vancouver island in attempt to feel fully satisfied by this journey west. family and old friends ushered us in everywhere we went; sebastian, the little ham that he has become, has enjoyed every moment of social time and attention; and we've all adapted to new places and scenarios as almost every night we've slept in a different bed. tonight we washed up back at my parents' house after seven hours of driving and ferry rides, unpacked the car and holed up in our separate parts of the house for a while. it's almost felt like camping. for the last week we didn't have a time keeping device, or a phone (just used rare pay phones for the most part), didn't have access to a computer and didn't have much personal space or quiet time. it might not seem significant but i was really aware of this for the first couple days because in montreal i am so constantly plugged in. it didn't take long to feel some elation and freedom, although i craved some writing time and had a hard time finding flow with a pen and paper in a noisy cafe, as usual.
when alex and i dropped my parents off in horseshoe bay so they could head back to the sunshine coast and we could continue onto nanaimo, then gabriola island, i felt anxious. some reluctance nagged me and i couldn't tell if it was intuition or just fear, but looking back on the trip it was obviously just fear. i think i was nervous to be heading to vancouver island because it was the first time that alex and i had taken sebastian anywhere other than ottawa or vancouver, the first time we were going somewhere selfishly and not just to land in the comforts of family life. we arrived in nanaimo around seven at night after a missed-turn-ended-up-in-squamish, couple-hour-ferry-delay, one-sailing-wait adventure then bravely parked the car and ventured out in the rain for the dark and damp gulf island of gabriola so i could see my old pal chelsea rushton, who i hadn't see in over a year. the next morning we headed to victoria, not knowing where the house we were staying at was, and by the time we were settled in the million dollar family home of our buddy elspeth i was exhausted and a little overwhelmed.
over the next couple days i really learned to take pleasure and refuge in my husband and baby. we excused ourselves from the social realm when we needed to and napped together. i looked forward to lying down with sebastian for an hour, nursing him, sleeping together. for the first time he almost didn't seem like a baby but more of a person i could rely on to relax with and love, to laugh with. when we were downtown and it was nap time we made sure not to interrupt him in the snuggly or car seat, and i shed all qualms with breastfeeding him in public. we did what we needed to do and by this morning i think we were all more energized and comfortable than when we had arrived. this was how i always imagined what being a family would be like; alex and i continuing our rambling spontaneous ways and the baby content and happy despite the loose structure. likewise, when i walked off the gabriola ferry with sebastian strapped to my front and a bag in hand, chelsea said, "this is how i always imagined you and alex with a baby."
it felt great to be on vancouver island. i think i owe the ease and inspiration to the islands because i am infinitely more happy and grounded here than in montreal. here, there is never a moment without some sense of pleasure, whether it is the sound of rain on the roof or the constellations (we realized we hadn't seen the stars properly in a year) or the fresh air etc... we're all benefiting from the simple pleasures.