I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Strange, half-significant dreams, one after the other after the other after the other. There are themes running through them, too. The other night I had two dreams about holes, like in one I expected to stand in essentially a grave filled with straw while a horse towered over me, and in another I was crawling out of a hole in a hatch in the ground and I was covered in white sugar. Strange. I just packed all my books in a box and taped it up, otherwise I would dig out my dream decoder. I'm sure Freud would have something to say about it.
These last couple days we've been having people in and out of our apartment as we try to rent it. This weekend we're having a kind of open-house garage sale on Sunday so there will be even more people coming in and out, browsing through our stuff. It feels kind of gross. Strangers opening your closets, twisting your shower knobs, peering out your windows. So far no one has jumped at the chance to take the place which makes it worse. One woman refused to take her boots off so stood in our hallway on two sheets of paper dripping icy dirt and I wanted to be like, "Get the hell out of our house!"
Anyhow, I suppose the end is near.
Sebastian has been having a hard time sleeping these days. He wakes up a lot. There was a time when once he was down, he was down and would often sleep for ten straight hours. But now he wakes up at all hours, whining and yelling in his sleep, eyes closed. What wakes him up? How can I teach him to help himself? He is going through a lot of changes right now and because of that I am infinitely patient most of the time. Watching him struggle to worm around the tiles, learning to crawl, knowing his teeth are coming in, seeing how his mind is far surpassing his physical abilities these days is hard. I watch him watching older babies, toddlers, kids and know he understands something his body doesn't yet. No wonder he can't sleep properly! But at the same time, isn't he exhausted?!
There are also a lot of changes in our life, such as all these people coming in and out at his bedtime, nap time. Such as the last couple months, so much travel, so much socializing. I really feel like hibernating for a while, if not for my sake for his. It will be a couple more months until we can settle in somewhere, have a quiet bedtime, have quiet days, have a more baby-centered existence which I think he would benefit from. By then he will be so old! Sometimes I wonder about the habits he will develop in the meantime. I want him to have a positive relationship to sleep, to be relaxed and rested when he wakes up, to feel safe, such as when he is tired he has the opportunity to crash without people keeping him awake, at least until he learns what restful sleep is again.